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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28594527">Undercover in San Faldo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schangia/pseuds/Schangia'>Schangia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Humor, Pre-Canon, Undercover, Water 7, lucci is suffering without good reason and he's ready to kill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:00:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,345</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28594527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schangia/pseuds/Schangia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucci has to endure the possibly worst day of his life as he and Kaku are forced to babysit Paulie on a trip to San Faldo.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaku &amp; Paulie &amp; Rob Lucci, Kaku &amp; Rob Lucci, Paulie &amp; Rob Lucci</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Undercover in San Faldo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a particularly beautiful day, even nicer than most days in Water Seven; only a few thin clouds adorned the blue sky, hiding the sun's rays just enough for them to not be unbearably hot on bare skin, and a soft breeze danced through the crowded streets. Lucci could've spent this particularly beautiful day engraving tiny doves on one of the figureheads he was working on at the moment—one of their customers had literally ordered “the most extravagant, flamboyant figurehead found across the Grandline,” so Lucci had taken some freedom with the design—and yet here he was.</p><p>On his way to San Faldo, because Iceburg wanted them to purchase fancy letter paper. A few hours ago, Iceburg had come up with the terrific idea of wanting to write acknowledgements for some of his subordinates, and since they only deserved the most high-class paper, he needed trustworthy people to go out and buy him stationary.</p><p>Lucci seriously questioned Iceburg's judgement if he called him of all people trustworthy, but at the same time it was just another proof of how good he was at his job. Good enough for Iceburg to believe that his participation in this trip was absolutely necessary. He could've just sent Kaku and Paulie—or only Kaku, to be on the safe side—but no.</p><p>He'd better be getting more than a pretty letter of acknowledgement for this.</p><p>The one sad thing to Lucci was that he actually liked going to San Faldo. It was a breathtaking place to be—a lot less water than in Water Seven too, which was always a plus when one wrong step could potentially lead to you either drowning or reeking like a wet animal for the rest of the day if you did get saved—and if the company had been any different, Lucci might've even enjoyed this trip.</p><p>The moment he stepped out of the train, he was greeted by a calm sea breeze hitting his face. There was a hint of expensive perfume mixed in with the smell of salt and wet wood, a combination of odours only found in San Faldo. He liked the smell, even if it came from the city's large numbers of wealthy tourists all dressed up in garments unfit for the bumpy streets coiling around the many restaurants and shops selling hand-made masks.</p><p>Hattori, still sitting on his shoulder, cooed quietly and puffed up his chest, looking completely content. Yes, this trip had the potential to be a truly refreshing change of pace.</p><p>“We're finally here, huh? Would you look at that though; San Faldo is still as boring as ever.”</p><p>And then Paulie set foot on the island, crushing his hopes of a relaxing day. Lucci had already been close to killing Paulie three times on their train ride alone, and he had no reason to think that unbearable idiot would be any less annoying from here on out. </p><p>Paulie had been getting on his nerves for weeks now. He was an absolute eyesore, loud and obnoxious half of the time, and Iceburg's pathetic lapdog the other half; but over time, Lucci had learned to deal with that. Nowadays, however, Paulie's gambling addiction had reached new heights, to the point that some thugs had been trying to beat up Lucci just to get back some of the money Paulie had defrauded them of.</p><p>Oh, and Paulie had also spilled paint on him the other day, so there was that.</p><p>Despite all the work that went into the persona he had created for this particular undercover mission, Lucci sometimes cursed the choices he had made. Sure, pretending to be a ventriloquist had the unbeatable advantage of always having Hattori with him. He also hardly had to interact with or talk to others because most people appeared to be put off by talking to a pigeon. Philistines, all of them, but that was beside the point.</p><p>Sadly, choosing to remain quiet for a good part of his work day also meant that all the truly amazing insults he had internally screamed at Paulie would never see the light of day. An incredibly disappointing waste of talent, but there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe Lucci would just wait until their big reveal to snap and shower his incompetent colleague with all the verbal abuse he had kept to himself so far.</p><p>The only sliver of hope he had was Kaku. While Lucci was a master of self-discipline and composure, there was simply no way in hell he could survive this day without killing someone—preferably Paulie, but at this point he wasn't picky. The only way to prevent an assassination that wasn't supposed to happen was him having another sane person to exchange meaningful looks with whenever Paulie said something that brought him one step closer to a shigan right through his throat.</p><p>Lucci took a deep breath. He shouldn't let himself be provoked like this, not by someone as insignificant as Paulie. Nodding to Kaku, who was the last to step onto the platform, Lucci started walking, heading straight towards the heart of San Faldo, completely ignoring every comment Paulie muttered in his badly-trimmed beard. Instead he tried to focus on the beautiful sight in front of him as he crossed the first bridge leading from the train stop to the city centre.</p><p>To everyone who hadn't been to the island before, San Faldo was nothing but a maze of cobblestone paths, bridges in varying sizes, and canals filled with dark water hiding the city's secrets. (Lucci fondly remembered a mission that had led him here, briefly wondering what became of the dead nobleman whose body he had dumped into the deep, cold water.)</p><p>Most tourists weren't even aware of San Faldo's darkness. They only saw the regular festivals and parades which had tons of masked strangers spill into the narrow streets. To them, those masquerades were the highlight of their trip, an unforgettable experience filled with wonder and excitement; but to Lucci, it was a prime opportunity to kill without being noticed. That's why he liked visiting the countless shops selling masks all over the island whenever he came here.</p><p>Usually he found the time to stroll and window-shop on his trips, comparing different styles, colouring techniques and intricate designs, while also forgetting about his mission for a few precious moments. Today wasn't one of those times, not with Paulie at his side. Lucci simply didn't have the nerve to enjoy himself with that idiot's constant blabbering drowning out all other sounds in the busy streets.</p><p>No, this time Lucci tried to get this whole ordeal over and done with as fast as possible, but Paulie had the attention span of a three-year-old and kept pointing out unnecessary details or getting distracted by shiny things.</p><p>“Look at that! Have you ever seen a light post this pretty?”</p><p>Yes he had, because every bloody light post in San Faldo looked like that, and by now they had passed at least five dozen of them. Lucci could feel his right eye twitch; he willed his body to stop before he locked eyes with Kaku, who only smiled reassuringly at him. So far Lucci had counted sixteen idiotic questions and thirty-one useless remarks from Paulie, and if it hadn't been for Kaku calming him down he probably would've already knocked him out and thrown him in one of the canals.</p><p>The further they walked into the heart of the city, the more another problem revealed itself. There were no casinos on San Faldo—as the mayor had so wisely decided after the competing noble families living on the island had tried to strip each other off their money years ago—but he had severely underestimated Paulie's sixth sense for making out shady bars to gamble away his last pieces of clothing.</p><p>Lucci was aware of the fact that he would accidentally kill Paulie if he was the one to grab him by the collar and pull him away from every bar he attempted to enter, so he left this thankless task to Kaku, who complied without complaining.</p><p>Finally, after what seemed to him like an eternity, they reached the most renowned stationary store in all of San Faldo. It was a walk that should've taken five minutes in total (half a minute for Kaku and Lucci going at CP9-speed), but it took them no less than half an hour to arrive at the store front painted in an appealing light blue hue.</p><p>Instead of entering the store and getting this terrible trip over with, however, Paulie walked straight past it and made for another bar at the corner of the street. Lucci couldn't quite believe what was happening, and if it hadn't been for Kaku asking Paulie what he was doing, he might've blown his cover right there and then.</p><p>Paulie stopped for a moment, looking back over his shoulder and grinning confidently.</p><p>“There's money to be won, gentlemen, and I'm feeling particularly lucky today.”</p><p>And with those words he started walking again, entering the bar with a delighted whistle. A part of Lucci almost admired him for the sheer audacity of leaving two CP9 members behind just to throw himself into debt, but that admiration was short-lived.</p><p>For a few moments neither of them said a word. Even Hattori had stopped cooing, aware of the fact that Lucci was only one heartbeat away from committing an atrocity against the next person who dared approach him. Finally, Lucci took a long, hard look at Kaku as if trying to say, “I've tried really hard to stay calm but he's making it impossible. Can I please kill him?”</p><p>Then again, why was he even asking for permission? He was the bloody de facto leader of this sorry excuse for a reputable organisation.</p><p>Unaware of Lucci's inner turmoil, Kaku glanced around to see if anyone might be listening in on their conversation. Once he was convinced that all the tourists passing by were too entranced by their own conversations, he leaned in closer, an almost chiding frown on his face.</p><p>“We can't kill him, it would blow our cover.”</p><p>Lucci huffed, a sign for Hattori to fulfil his duty.</p><p>“It all depends on how we tell the story. San Faldo is a great spot for assassins to do their work, so if someone randomly decided to kill that idiot, nobody could blame us for not being able to prevent it.” </p><p>Nobody would notice him not caring about Paulie's death either, because Lucci was a terrific actor when it came down to it. Still, Kaku didn't seem too convinced.</p><p>“Do you want to take the gamble?”</p><p>“I'm significantly better at gambling than Paulie, so why not?”</p><p>Lucci quite disliked the way Kaku sighed at him; it was the type of sigh he would use on Jabra whenever that brainless dog did something stupid, like humping the couch.</p><p>“We can't have Iceburg be suspicious of us. It would ruin our mission. It would ruin our reputation,” Kaku said, more firmly this time, and Lucci knew he was right. He just hated to admit it.</p><p>It was silent between the two of them. Only the busy sounds of the city—chattering tourists, street vendors singing praises of their products, seagulls screaming high above their heads and hinting at the vicinity of the sea—could be heard, but neither of them minded.</p><p>Kaku almost gave in to the hope of successfully having managed to calm Lucci down, but the feeling of victory was short-lived. After taking a deep breath, Lucci rolled his shoulders the way he usually did before he started hunting down one of their targets. It was a habit which most likely stemmed from his feline powers, but Kaku knew better than to point that out.</p><p>“I'll kill him one day, Kaku. Trust me, I will,” Lucci told him, still looking into the direction Paulie had vanished.</p><p>All Kaku could do was nod; he tried to do it solemnly, too, but hearing Lucci threaten to kill people in Hattori's high-pitched voice was the most hilarious thing he'd ever listened to, and he was pushing himself to the limit not to laugh right now. Taking some moments to calm down, Kaku looked into the same direction as Lucci, briefly wondering whether his heightened senses allowed him to still distinguish Paulie's annoying voice from the countless people around them.</p><p>After a while he said, “You can kill him after we've accomplished our mission.”</p><p>Lucci seemed to like that idea, although he wasn't fully convinced yet. Not that Kaku minded much; he knew from experience that Lucci hardly showed enthusiasm for ideas and plans that hadn't been his own. Figuring that the danger of Lucci hunting after Paulie and killing him on the spot had been warded off for now, Kaku turned towards the entrance of the shop.</p><p>Right as he was about to enter, Lucci hummed, as if deep in thought. Raising an eyebrow, Kaku waited for him to say whatever he had just thought of. Exactly four seconds later, Lucci turned around to face him—dignified and exuding the aura of the leader every CP9 member knew him to be.</p><p>Then, with all the authority he could put into Hattori's voice, he asked, “Can I at least have Hattori shit on his head?”</p><p>There it was again, the silence that sometimes fell between them, but this time it even drowned out all surrounding sounds for a moment. Kaku should've known better, but sometimes he forgot how fussy Lucci was—and how frightening Hattori could be. He seemed like he couldn't hurt a fly with the way he was seated all comfortably on Lucci's broad shoulders. Whoever dared to look into his bleak eyes, however, knew right away that, deep down, the pigeon was pure evil.</p><p>Thankfully, Kaku's sense of normalcy had been off for years anyway—courtesy of being a member of the collection of eccentric idiots called CP9—so he simply sighed and shrugged his shoulders.</p><p>“Sure, go ahead.”</p>
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